I cockslap morals
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I'm going to a one year olds birthday party to smoke weed. What has my life become.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
Randomize
