i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
So much rum. So many feels.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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