dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Randomize
