in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
I got really upset at the McDonald's worker. They should serve nuggets 24/7. Apparently 5am is breakfast for some people.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
