i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
I love having hate sex.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Also, I cannot stop picturing myself in a bar, 3 years from now ordering soda. Just soda. 30 pounds over weight and wearing a cat sweater. I feel like I'm heading in the wrong direction in life.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
