Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Randomize
