im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
Go ahead without me. This chick is buying me drinks and just found out her husband is cheating on her. I think I just found the next level of revenge fucking: Scorned Trophy Wife Sex
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