Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
What a great world we live in when USPS can tell you that your drugs have been delivered.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
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