This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
It's Friday afternoon and I'm drunk. This is how I cope.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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