i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Dude my body has gone into shock from not eating frozen pizza and chips. I've been shitting like Richard Simmons after a night out of twerking in a corn field
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
I think I broke my dick but 10/10 would definitely do it again.
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