I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
we tried have sex after i gave him a handjob. he wouldnt get hard and kept saying his little boy is broken.. please come get me
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
This is what happens when you live with someone you met on Grindr
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Randomize
