we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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