This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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