You were right. It hurts to walk today.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Three people drank on "never have I had sex in a tractor." Iowa at its best?
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
