we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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