I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
She even gives head with a lisp.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize