if you're gona send my txt to that site at least change my area code plz
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
