we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
why do cheetos always look like penises
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
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