It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
Randomize
