Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday

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(704): View more from North Carolina

I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.

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(760): View more from California

And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"

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(603): View more from New Hampshire

she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"

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(716): View more from New York

My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.

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(360): View more from Washington

Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.

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(658): View more from

Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk

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(516): View more from New York

Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"

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(303): View more from Colorado

So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.

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