he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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