I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Randomize
