Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize