Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
