Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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