I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
Randomize
