Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Sexual Frustration City, population: Me.
I just tried to give a picture of a dude a blowjob. through my computer screen. I was leaning forward with my mouth open and everything so WALK AWAY
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Did you throw up out the back door and cover it with paper towels?
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