if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I know I don't have feelings for him because I feel completely ashamed every time after we have sex
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
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