Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Randomize
