Your mouth is God's brothel.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
