She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
