It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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