I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
I think my fart just growled at me.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Randomize
