it wasn't lemon gatorade
he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Randomize