So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
