We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
