Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Randomize
