Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
Michael Bay diarrhea
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
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