just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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