Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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