Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
I just blew my weed a kiss
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
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