If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I got drunk enough that when camel suggested jumping off the pier, I thought it was a fantastic plan. Also my blood hurts.
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize