I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
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