I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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