If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
