My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
Your penis chewing exercise is not working
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
Who needs sounds of the ocean? I just fall asleep to whatever chubby he is banging next door.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
