its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
I'm not being over dramatic, but I think my heart is going to stop beating.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Haha, how do I word that nicely? "You got me to the edge of no return twice and failed to let me orgasm, therefore you owe me chicken nuggets or hot wings. Your decision"
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
