you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
so when am I gonna get some from you?
when you dick grows 3 inches
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
Randomize