so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
I get free beer too. Its called a vagina and its accepted everywhere like visa
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
