it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Randomize
