pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
jump out the window naked night went bad
Randomize