a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
And then she said "welcome homeeeee!!!" As she got off. Best thing about being back from Afghanistan
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