my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
I need to get my pants from under your porch. People are asking questions.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
