I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
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