Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Randomize
