Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize
