Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
Randomize