A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
