I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
