She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
