its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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