You're never going to guess who I just worked out next to..
Who?
Chris brown
No way... I bet he was intense
Are you kidding? He was prob training for round two
So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
