Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
