Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
