I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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