I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
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