Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I woke up in a hospital at three in the morning only to realize my pee is now going to be orange. I've grown to realize I've made all the right decisions
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
