can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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