Help. Asians are flirting in front of me(773): They speak asian
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
I give out orgasms like candy and ride a motorcycle...how is that not appealing
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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