Is it necrophilia if we're both dead?
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
Dude imagine how many pictures of dicks Obama gets. That can't be unusual. Almost every kids in the US has written the president a letter.
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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