Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you slapped the bag of goldfish out of her hands and screamed, "BITCH THIS AINT NO AQUARIUM". That's how fucked up
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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