I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
