new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
