I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
