You just made me feel so damn special
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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