Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
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