hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Randomize
