I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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