Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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