before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
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