..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
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