"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
