Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
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