I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
