Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
If one more person calls me a lesbian I am going to have to give you head in public.
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
he was like "finding out that arrested development was cancelled" bad
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
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