I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
Randomize
