I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
