Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
